its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
