Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We left the knife in your bed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
