let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
