I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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