He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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