I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
