how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
