when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
