I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
