morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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