I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
