I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
