Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
