I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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