I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
