I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
