Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
