Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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