It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
