oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
this hospital has no fireball
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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