life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Drunk is a universal language darling
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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