oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
