That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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