I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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