she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
