I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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