Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
