EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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