Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
