My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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