He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
