They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
