you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
