Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
being pregnant is like rehab
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
