There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
