My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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