I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
