I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
