Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
