my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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