you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
