as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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