sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
