And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
