Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
