can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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