I accidentally had phone sex last night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
