if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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