i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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