the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
