Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can't turn off my feet"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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