Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
