I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
