Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
