Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
