So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
