I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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