He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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