it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
