I haven't been this sober since birth.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
