The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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