He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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