Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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