Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize