She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
