we have officially lost it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
