Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
