She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.