He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.