I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
