just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker