I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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