you would pick up someone in the library
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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