we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Randomize
