You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
