I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.