I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.