a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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