I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.