chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.