# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.