The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
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Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
