Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
