i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
