His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
