I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
