I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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