my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
