And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
