i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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