Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
