Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
