the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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