he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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