from now on my penis is your penis
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
this will be a night to untag.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
