I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
