So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
