laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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